I’m short on time and this is late already, so my comments are going to be shorter than my normal. Sorry folks. Just busy as hell. Here’s a link to my recap of WWE Over The Limit and also the finale of Lost, which I thoroughly enjoyed. It was a two for one special that I posted on Monday. Check it out.

Live from Toledo, Ohio this is the Raw Deal…

Batista started us off selling the beating from the night before by sitting in a wheelchair in ring. He said he quit because his life was being threatened. He was great whining here. He bitched about wanting another match with Cena. Did Batista say John “Lena” at one point before saying Cena? I think he did. This led to Justin Roberts announcing the new GM of Raw: Bob Barker! No, it’s Bret Hart. Fine by me. At least he has credibility unlike most other choices they could have made. Bret says if you want another title match you have to face Randy Orton tonight with the winner moving onto the Fatal Fourway PPV title match. Batista says he’s hurt, so Bret announces Randy as the winner and suggests maybe Batista should quit. Batista ends up quitting WWE. This was done because his contract ran out, he didn’t re-sign and he wants to try making it in movies although he could always come back. Who really leaves, right? I thought this was really well done with Batista doing an awesome job of being a crybaby. Seriously, this was fantastic.

Sheamus d. Mark Henry (*)
Hey, at least they remembered Mark Henry had an arm injury. I give it one star for that. Of course Sheamus won after about four minutes, which is longer than I thought it might be. I’m really liking Sheamus right now, fella.

Backstage, guest host (can we stop with the guest hosts already?) Jon Lovitz did some “comedy” with Maryse. Wasn’t very funny although Maryse looked great. There was just no chemistry at all.

Backstage, GM Hart was talking to Edge when Chris Jericho came in. I was having what some would call a Canadagasm. Basically the deal here was that Edge & Jericho were in a triple threat with John Cena. If either one of them won they were in the F4Way match while if Cena won then neither of them would be in and he’d find somebody else. Edge said he’s the best Canadian of the three and left. Jericho said Bret better not get in his way in his new role. Bret was like, “bring it on, bitch” except he didn’t say bitch of course. Looks like I will be having weekly Canadagasms.

Undertaker’s back on Smackdown. Why wasn’t he on regularly the last two months? Oh right, not allowed to ask questions. Welcome back. Have fun in the F4Way title match.

Maryse & Alicia d. Gail & Eve (1/2*)
I like looking at Eve, but her dropkicks look brutal. She barely connects with one foot and the other one doesn’t come close. All four battled, the ref cleared Gail out, Alicia kicked Eve and then Maryse finished her with the DDT. The feud MUST continue, I guess. I would rather see Natalya get involved in this division.

US Title: R-Truth d. The Miz (***)
Bret vacated the belt, so it was up for grabs here. Good match. Getting ten minutes for a midcard match on Raw is pretty rare, so I was pleased to that. Thought Miz was going over. Didn’t happen. Truth won clean with his flying forearm “Lie Detector” finisher. I don’t love the move, but he hits it well and the crowd seemed to pop for it. They moved Kofi to SD and gave him the IC title while they moved Truth to Raw and gave him the US title. Both are fine moves. Miz doesn’t need the belt anymore. I could see him winning Money in the Bank (version II) in a couple months. Hey WWE creative team, more ten minute matches like this on Raw every week, please?

Cena did a promo. I really hate the “Cenation” phrase. It’s just…lame…for the lack of a better word. And of course he’ll take on all comers. He’s tired of being challenged. He’s issuing the challenges now. He also did all this while talking slowly before RAISING HIS VOICE to let you know how serious he was.

Weekly guest host shit with Lovitz, as well as the voiceless Bellas, holding some talent show. Didn’t they do this with the Osbournes? I still remember Ozzy loving the Masters boob dance. Khali – who we were told multiple times was going home to India – and Singh danced, Jillian sang and then they had a dude take his eye out. According to PWInsider, WWE Creative Team member Joe “Schmoe” Schmociosi was the eyeball dude. He probably did that during his job interview. I wouldn’t doubt it. Dibiase came out with Virgil. Then Santino came out. He knocked out Virgil with some nerve hold that Lovitz taught him…yes it was as stupid as it reads. Ted laid out Santino with the Dream Street to end it. So Lovitz said Ted was the winner of whatever the fuck this was. Know what it was? A waste of ten minutes. Brutal.

Lawler was so excited for the Undertaker to be back on Smackdown. Yeah, because he’s been gone so long. I doubt Lawler watches Smackdown.

The Hart Dynasty d. Regal & Kozlov (SQUASH)
Can Regal just retire already so he can replace Lawler as the announcer on this show? That would be a good use of him. THD won in about a minute. Post match, they got attacked by a new team as well as a new woman. They are the twin sons of Rikishi (Jimmy and Jules Uso) while the girl is the daughter of Jimmy Snuka (Sarona). All three of them hit Superfly splashes off the top. Good to see a new tag team. Since they’re Samoan they’re also automatically in possession of skulls that are stronger than the normal person. Do not headbutt them. By the way, if Bret’s GM of Raw didn’t he technically “sign” these guys, so wouldn’t his family be pissed that they were attacked on the show where Bret was GM? I know. I’m thinking too much. Maybe they’ll explain it next week? I have my doubts.

The NXT guys got to cut promos on eachother. There are four left. Barrett’s probably winning. This show is slowly stumbling to the finish line, though.

Best part of the show was the clip of Danielson beating up Cole last week on NXT. That was one of the best WWE things they’ve done all year. He’s calling out Danielson on NXT tonight on the advice of his lawyers. That should be fun. Can we get Danielson on Raw or SD now? Thanks.

Backstage, Edge told Jericho that he might pin him instead of Cena during the triple threat. You go, girl.

Edge d. John Cena & Chris Jericho in a triple threat match to qualify for Fatal Four Way (**1/2)
The outcome for this was pretty obvious because rumors had been out for a month that Edge was getting in the 4way match. I also figured they wouldn’t allow Cena to be pinned although in this setting it would have been good for Edge. Cena was hurt from the night before, so why not have him take a pin? Not a big deal, I guess. There were lots of good nearfalls, submissions and two counts by all three guys. Jericho got pinned following a spear by Edge after a furious five minutes to end the match. I like all three guess, specifically Jerich & Edge, but triple threats are way too formulaic now.

To end the show, Sheamus had a staredown with Edge & Cena. Then Orton showed up. I guess they have determined Orton’s injury isn’t that serious and that he’ll be able to work in a month. Or they could always do an injury angle. My question is what’s Jericho going to do?

Three Stars of the Night
1. Batista – I thought he was tremendous on his way out.
2. Edge
3. Bret Hart

Worst Moment of the Night
The stuff with Lovitz, Bellas, eyeball dude and Dibiase. What a brutal segment.

7 out of 10
Last week: 7.5

Good stuff for the second week in a row. The guest host stuff was clearly the worst part of the show again. I really wish they’d go away although Ashton Kutcher could make it work. I liked the main event, I liked the Truth/Miz match, I liked the Canadagasm I got, I liked seeing the new tag team debut the way they did and the ending of the show was pretty solid. Thumbs up for the second week in a row. Alert your friends. Raw isn’t terrible anymore…aside from the guest host segments.

“I’d like to buy your eye.”

Keep checking out the blog at thejohnreport.net and I’ll be back with a new column hopefully by next Monday. Been putting it off too long. Got to hammer it out.

Thanks for reading.

John Canton – [email protected]
Visit the blog: thejohnreport.net
Add me on Facebook at Facebook.com/thejohnreportnet
and Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport
AOLIM: OratorJC YahooIM: thejohnreportnet

Visit My Archives to view ten years of The John Report columns.